Postpartum Realness

Hello hello! So, motherhood is magical and all but I wanted to write an honest post to document the first couple of weeks with a newborn. I researched the sh*t out of labour and birth but barely gave recovery a second thought mostly because there is so little written online about it. You’ve made it through labour, you’ve dealt with the trials and tribulations that you have to go through before you are allowed to exit the maternity ward (walking the halls looking for a midwife armed with a bowl of my own wee was a highlight) and you’ve survived the drive home but even the horror of your first bowel movement can’t prepare you for the postpartum period. To all those women who wear motherhood well (yes, you with your washed hair, designer nappy bag and baby firmly latched on your breast) I salute you. A few weeks ago I was a woman who took pride in washing her hair every day, spent unsightly amounts of money on handbags and heels and turned up to nail and hair appointments punctually. Oh let’s not forget the leisurely lunches and brunches. Fast forward 2 weeks and I’m putting on Primark maternity briefs that are bigger than my husband’s boxers complete with maternity pads that are bigger than my mattress and the upstairs loo counts as a change of scenery. My roots are so bad that even washing my hair isn’t enough to make me look semi-human. I’ve heard rumours about baby yoga, baby massage and the odd lunch out but showering alone seems like a daunting prospect and the most I can hope to achieve this week is slapping a wet wipe across my face in an attempt not to frighten the postman and making it down the stairs in time to collect my Asos order. Oh, the joys of life post c-section. After finally plucking up the courage to look in the mirror and seeing 8 week old roots, bitten nails, eye bags and a belly that looks like it’s housing a second baby I can’t be alone in thinking who the f**k is that?? Where’s the girl with the good posture, good hair and equal sized boobs? While, like me, you might feel the pressure to get out there and navigate the outside world with your little one, remember if you get through the fourth trimester having only achieved feeding your baby and getting some sleep you are winning. Here’s a shoutout to all the new mums out there who’s first week is basically baby cuddles, chain eating custard creams and binge watching the Kardashians.

The Emotions

My midwife warned me about day five and she was not wrong. Apparently, that’s when baby blues creep in and you find yourself feeling a little tearful. I didn’t cry once during labour. I didn’t cry when someone offered me a humble paracetamol for my contractions, when the word forceps was mentioned or when we first saw our baby girl for the first time but it seems that upon arrival home I now cry four or five times per hour. Yesterday I cried because I felt that my dog might be depressed, when I got a card with nice words in it and almost everytime I looked at my baby. Day four and five were the worst emotionally and from there I’ve cried a little less every day.

The Pressure

There is so much pressure surrounding motherhood and it starts the minute your baby enters the world. The pressure to breastfeed, to get back in those jeans, to make it look easy. Well, if like me, you’re diet is 90% cookies and carbs, you’re having to resort to Aptimel’s finest and you’re doing ugly cries around the clock, give yourself a break. You have birthed a human. You deserve a medal. I spent a week in hospital listening to new mums recover from birth and so many of them apologised for being tired, for being tearful and for their appearance. Being a witness to so many emotions is eyeopening and I never realised how strong and how amazing women could be. Rather than worrying about our own bodies that had been through the wringer, we’re clutching our boobs (the only body part that doesn’t hurt) thrusting our nipples in the direction of any midwife who will look at them desperately asking if we’re doing it right.

My Body

Let’s be real. Learning to love your post-baby body is a hard concept to grasp. One of the biggest shocks was how pregnant I still looked in the days following birth. After a failed forceps delivery and an emergency c-section, things are more than a little jiggly and it took me 3 whole days to pluck up the courage to ask my midwives what had actually occurred down there and what the status of my vagina actually was. The good news is there are no stitches but I will need to wear a pad for 6 weeks. Oh, the glamour. Two and a half weeks on and my scar is healing nicely, my belly is deflated enough to reach sad balloon status and I’m still wearing my maternity leggings that tuck into my boobs as the thought of trying on a maternity jean is just too much. My tummy is getting smaller by the day and no, my rings still don’t fit but I’m excited to see my ankles again and my shoes fit which will come in handy if I ever dare to leave the house. I’m still applying my Oils in the hope that my stomach will magically snap back into some sort of stomach shape. Hopeful but perhaps not entirely realistic. I put on 2.5 stone during pregnancy. I know this because a nurse came in with scales 2 days after I had Jolie and realising they weren’t for the baby was one of the biggest what the fu*k moments of the whole experience. Just when you think you have no dignity left, someone wheels some industrial weighing scales into your little corner of the ward and you are met with the fresh hell that is knowing how much you weigh. Turns out, they need it for medical reasons but I remember telling the midwife that I’d rather give birth again than stand on those scales. I didn’t look at the number (mostly because my post-birth bump was in the way) but I saw it on my notes later and I’m going to wait until the 6-week mark to weigh myself (I’ve put on around 2.5 stone) so I can concentrate on recovery.

Prepare in Advance – Create a postpartum recovery kit

I packed my hospital bag 4 times before I set off to St James to have our little one. I had all the snacks for labour, a killer playlist and half of J Lewis baby department for Jolie but what did I have for the recovery process? Nada. Stock up on maternity pads, (the bigger the better) whether you have a c-section or a vaginal birth you will more than likely wear a pad for 6 weeks so make sure you have some at home for your return. You can also use these to cushion your scar as well as for blood loss. Boxes of paracetamol and Ibroprofen are essential to take the edge off any postpartum pain. Lastly, peppermint tea is a miracle cure should your digestive system be a little sluggish. Fragrance-free shower gel for no sting showers. Comfy dressing gowns, PJ’s and fluffy socks for those first few days when you still have a bump and are in that what the hell fits me stage. BIG pants. The week after giving birth is no time for wearing a thong. I opted for disposable briefs then you don’t even have to think about washing. Oh and colin the caterpillar cake for visitors you.

The small things

Right now I’m loving the small victories. Sleeping on my back after nine months, finally being able to get up the stairs, saying yes to a glass of bubbles and getting my first post-birth mani-pedi. Motherhood so far is all about taking small steps to feeling like myself again while trying to cater to the whims of a small human. It’s been overwhelming feelings of love tainted with small bouts of jealousy when my other half escapes for an hour to go to the gym or hops in the car to nip to the shop when for me getting out of bed is like an episode of crystal maze. Freedom might be minimal these days but I know week after week it will get easier and my confidence will grow. To the people that have come to my house so I can nap, the people who have brought cake and champagne and the people who have told me I’m doing well or looking well, you are all wonderful. It’s meant the world.

I’m thinking about doing a full post about c-section recovery as I would have loved to read a post like this 2 weeks ago when I was struggling to navigate the first few days. Leave any tips you might have in the comments.